She Wakes Breakout Session | Mattea Pellizzer

Join Mattea as she talks about what it means to let go of control, why surrender is a daily choice, and how even good passions can become idols if they outrank a relationship with Jesus. Mattea explains how worry and overthinking can get “loud,” twisting our trust, draining our peace, and pulling our focus away from following Christ. The goal isn’t pretending everything is fine; it’s honest trust that puts what we’re carrying back into God’s hands.
Mattea shares simple spiritual habits that build a surrendered life!

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Transcript

Meet Matea And Her Family

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Yeah, this is gonna stay right here, I guess. Okay, so about me, real quick. My name is Matea Pleaser. I am married. I've been married for three and a half years. That's my husband right there, Caleb. He just walked in. And the little boy on the back of his back was my son. And so I just had a son about a year ago. He's one. And it's been awesome. Yeah, I'm trying to think what other facts. Oh, me and my husband, we are um on staff here at Life Community Church, and we are the youth directors. So we're just involved in all the youth things, and it's awesome. We love it. Okay, my story. So these are little silly photos of me, a little Matea. But I oh okay. I'm already a really loud talker, so I need the okay. So I grew up in church. My dad was actually associates pastor, like our pastor Sean. And so I always grew up knowing God and you know who this knowing him, but not really understanding who he is. So I grew up in church, and then my dad did some street ministry, so I always knew like what serving people looked like, like loving people. And there was a time in my life that I was homeschooled, and then in fifth grade we went to public school because my mom went to work. And there was a little time that I was, I guess I had a little anxiety and didn't know how to handle my anxiety, and then that turned into depression. And it happened when I went to school, and I noticed that the church kids were being more mean to me than the non-believers, you know, the people that and so I was in this like, oh my goodness, what I thought you're supposed to love people, and these people that don't even love Jesus is loving people more than you love people. So I was in that situation, and it just brought me to um actually finding Jesus at church camp. So I had a moment with Jesus, and I knew God, but this was the moment that um I had an encounter with him, and it was life-changing. So at camp when I was like 13 years old that summer, I said yes to Jesus, I started following Jesus, and that's when my life went downhill. That's when anxiety was overwhelming, and the depression hit me, and I would have these panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and I was just so confused because I'm like, Lord, I thought now that I said yes to you, this is happening. So um there was a time that I was having these suicidal thoughts. So there's a night I had a panic attack, and it was one of those things that I like deep down knew I couldn't really hurt myself, but I wanted the pain to stop. So I looked in my and you know, um, I was getting a little like I didn't have friends, I was getting a little bullied, so all these things, and I remember looking in the mirror that night during my panic attack, and I looked in the mirror and I was like, oh, like I get it, I get why I'm gonna cry because the Lord's so good. But this was the moment I was like, I get it, I get it why everyone hates me. I I looked in the mirror and I just was so disgusted with what I saw, and I was like, oh my goodness, I hate myself. And then there was a little thought and voice that popped in my head, and it was like, no, you're loved, you're you're worth it. And I knew that wasn't my thought because I was I didn't think like that for a couple months. Like in my head, it was all negative, negative, negative, no positive thoughts. So I knew that wasn't Matea's thoughts, that was the Lord, and in that moment, you know, and that happened when I like cried out to Jesus. I'm like, Jesus, I said yes, you, where are you? And I just felt like this peace, this overwhelming peace. And I just fell to the ground, and that was the moment that I was like, okay, like um, you know, I tell you this because I've learned so much of okay, I need to follow Jesus is actually harder than people say it is. Like it takes sacrifice, it takes surrender. So I tell you that because um that moment and that moment didn't make like I wasn't perfect after that, like I had struggles, but I knew who Jesus was from that moment. So that's a little story. And so living a life of full surrender and something you know I wanted to talk about because I feel like the Lord has taught me so much, um, my whole life and even this past year of just so much freedom and laying things down at the feet of Jesus. So I'm gonna do kind of just a little basics. Um you might know this, you might not, but we gotta start somewhere. So we're gonna start with um what does it look like to surrender? Like, what does that look like? What is surrendering, you know, living a life of full surrender. So surrender is choosing to let go of control and giving it to God. It's choosing it, it's a choice, it's a choice, a daily, a thing that you may have to do daily for certain things, you know, maybe with your thoughts. You have to surrender your thoughts, you have to lay things down. But it is a choice. Like we have a choice to surrender. And surrender doesn't mean salvation, that's a different, like, right? And I think the surrender is something that you mature in, you learn in. And so um, you no longer so it no longer has a hold on your heart and your mind. That is what surrender is. So it no longer either like drains your mind and has a hold on you because you have given it to the Lord, and now He is the one carrying it. You're not carrying about yourself. So whether it maybe we talk about surrender and you have something in your mind, whether it's a person, a dream, a timeline, a desire, or even a fear. And um, but it's something that over something that I've learned is there are things in my life that the Lord has put passions on my heart. So, you know, it's like, oh, this is good because it's from the Lord. But I still have to surrender those things because if I am prioritizing what the Lord has put on my heart before a relationship with Jesus, that's when it becomes dangerous. Like a relationship with Jesus is number one. So it's important to understand that surrender is not God taking something away from you, but it's just putting it in God's hand and trusting him with it and trusting him through it. So he's not taking it away from you, but you are um trusting him with what you're holding on to, right? So if you're worrying about something, there's a lack of trust we have. And um, which happens sometimes. I feel like it's good if we correct it right away. I'm like, okay, why am I worrying? I have a lack of trust of God in this area. Let's figure it out now, unless it turns into something deeper and harder to control. So if you are not surrendered to God, that allows the enemy to have access to feed off your thoughts. So if you keep um, you know, you're overthinking of your goals, your dreams, maybe uh worrying about a kid or you know, different situations, and you're so focused on that thing, and that is like it's overwhelming, and you just you know, that's the main thing that you always think about, always on your mind. And when you do that, the enemy will take advantage of you know that overthinking. He's like, you know what? I know her weakness right now, so I'm gonna like I don't want to use that word. I was gonna say hot, but I don't want to um take over, you know, take advantage of her in this moment. But oh I lost my job. Okay, hold on, sorry. Don't okay, and the enemy will twist and turn to take advantage of the doubt, and then when the enemy does that, you start doubting the goodness of God, and you know, something is it will be gripping your soul and dominating your thoughts, and it influences your emotions, and it can destroy your peace and destroy your focus, and most importantly, destroy your focus of following Jesus and your relationship with Jesus. You know, it makes you um when the enemy takes over your thoughts, it makes you compromise your beliefs sometimes, but like, what do I even believe? Like, is was God really here in that moment or all these things? And sometimes you don't even realize it, but you place, like I said before, you're placing the thing that you're holding on to um over God instead of just surrendering and laying it down at the feet of Jesus. But when you surrender to God, you are giving him full access of your life and your heart. And um so you know, sometimes it's easier to say, oh, just surrender that. But what does surrendering look like? Of I remember there was a time in my life that I the Lord called me um for missions, and I didn't really know what that looked like. You know, I knew that uh ministry was always something, but I didn't really understand. And he gave me a heart for missionaries and he gave me a heart to travel the world. I'm like, oh great, I'm gonna travel. And I went to YWM Youth of the Mission, and I'm like, this is gonna be awesome. I'm gonna travel the world for Jesus. And he told me to come home after my trip. I was like, Wood, but you you're the one who gave me this desire. Why are you telling me to come home to Columbia? You know, I grew up in Colombia and I did not, I love this town, but I did not want to come home. I wanted to travel the world. So I'm like, no, don't make me come home. But I obeyed. Um I didn't do it with a good attitude, but I did it. And um, and understanding, like, okay, I did that. But then I'm at home, and my sister, she had a whole different experience with Jesus, and Jesus was telling her to go and not stay home. And so then that became a jealous thing of Lord, what is happening? You told like you gave me this desire, and now you're giving it to someone else. And um that I had to really lay that down. I remember um, you know, that was something when you know you wake up and that's the first thing you think of. And it's like just overwhelming of, okay, Lord, what do you want me to do? I had to lay that down, and how I did it was ask myself the question of if I never get to travel ever again, the passion the Lord gave me, if I never get to travel, or maybe um in the same situation it was marriage. If I never get married, if singleness is what God is calling me to do in this season or forever, will I be okay with that? Like, will I be okay with staying in Columbia the rest of my life? Will I be okay with being single for the rest of my life? And um to say, like, not just will I be okay with it, but is God better than that? Like, am I prioritizing him? So I had to sit down and like, okay, if I never get to travel, is God enough for me? And um, and at the time I was like, my words were saying something, but my heart was saying another thing of actually, I don't know if you're enough. And so I had to lay that down, and I had to, you know, just be on my knees and in prayer, and uh kind of a I needed to be in a place that I was desperate for God. And so that's where I found myself of like, okay, that's what surrender is, of if everything is taken away from me and all I have is Jesus. Is that enough? Like, that's where I found myself. And the first step is surrender begins with honesty. So, like, am I being, you know, am I being honest that I'm scared to let go of certain things? Of not just being honest with God, but yourself, of like, okay, am I being honest with myself? Of what is kind of and it may, you know, be embarrassing, but that's where you have to start of like, I am, I found myself saying, Oh my goodness, I prioritize certain things over Jesus. And I just had to be honest with myself. And then that brought me being honest with God, like, hey, I'm actually mad that you made me come back to Illinois. Like, explain this. And it's cool because when you um give God your doubts and your questions, he will give you answers. Uh, it might not be in your timeline, like there's some things, and I'm still waiting for answers, but he will answer you, and um his timing is just so much better. So being honest with yourself. Um, and you know, like it's scared to give God your plans because what if it doesn't turn out the way you thought? And it most likely 90% 99% of the time it won't, but it's so much better than you actually, you know, realize what you needed because God can hear conversations you can't. He can, you know, um he's in rooms that you're not in. He knows you better than you even know yourself. So he sees bigger things. So three things I really had to surrender was um, you know, laying mission work down, laying um marriage. There was a moment that I thought I really messed up with um my relationship with Jesus, with Caleb. And I remember I was walking with a friend and I was like, wow, I think I need to like lay this down. I need to surrender this moment, you know, this situation to Jesus because I'm so worried about it that it's taking over, and I don't want it to, you know, take over too much. So I had to lay down and I had to ask myself the same thing of if I you know single for longer than I want to be, is Jesus enough? And I think it's you have so much peace when you're honest with yourself and you have honest conversation with Jesus. Um and so I already kind of did that. So it takes dying to ourselves. So we fully surrender when we die to ourselves, because it's no longer I who live, but Jesus who lives in me, which is Galatians 2.20. And it's so true that it's no longer us anymore when we say yes to Jesus, when we give Jesus um, you know, when we talk about salvation, it is no longer Matea who's living. Sometimes Matea speaks when she's not supposed to, but I have to remember to die to myself and like Lord, I want I want your words to come out of my mouth. I want to just be a mirror of you. Um, you know, growing up, I always knew who Jesus was. I knew he was the King of Kings, he was the Messiah. And there's this beautiful song. Um, and it says that, like, Lord, I know these things about you. But what I really want to know is I want you to be a mirror. Like, I want to be a mirror or your mirror, and you know, reflecting. And I just think that's so beautiful because that's what it is. Like, we as followers of Christ, we need to be the mirror of Jesus, which is dying to ourselves because the flesh wants to do the opposite and fleshly desires, and there's so much freedom in laying things down, even when you don't want to at first, there's so much freedom in it. Because then it's no longer yours, you have to carry, it's Jesus. You're like, Jesus, help. We are partnering together, Lord. And so having okay, hold on, let me get okay. So um, I can say all this, and it takes it took me some time to really surrender certain things, but some ways that I just thought was really helpful, helpful are these things, and I just want to share of like I had to set first, you have to be desperate for Jesus. You have to be like you have to have a hunger, and if you don't, you pray, pray for it. I mean, there's some moments in my life that I'm like, Lord, I'm not hungry for you. I'm actually like, I don't really like life was good without Jesus, and that was scary for a moment of my life. I'm like, no, life isn't good without you. So I, you know, I had to um pray for a hunger, pray for a refresh because I knew I knew I needed Jesus. Like I know it wasn't that's why it's so important to not go by feelings because your feelings change. But when you know what the word says, when you know, like God is a good father and he is the king of kings, and you know he's the one that wins. And I like to be on the winning team, so I'm gonna stay on Jesus' team, right? So set a time for intimate prayer time. I love to bring Jesus throughout my whole day. Um, I'll share that a little later of like things that can make you, you know, always think about Jesus throughout the day. But taking time, like I can think about Jesus throughout the day, but taking time, um, intimate time, maybe on your knees, maybe on like laying on your floor, like something that you aren't, you don't usually do, I recommend doing it for like 15, 30 minutes of just praying, calling out to God, but not just praying to God, but listen, trying to listen and hear what He wants to say. And making another one is make your room your sanctuary. I tell this to our youth kids all the time of hey, the biggest lie the enemy can give you is that you can only encounter God at youth camp, at conferences, conventions, and even youth. Like that's the biggest lie that you can only encounter God in a church building. And so making your room, your sanctuary, create, or even your home or you know, anywhere in your house. Um it's so powerful because that you know, you have it's not, oh, well, I have to get to church early to have this worship time because I only worship on Sunday mornings, right? Like creating a space outside of church for like um an intimate encounter with Jesus. So making your room your sanctuary, uh, and say no to things to be able to say yes to Jesus, like time with Jesus. There's some things that like, oh, I can't really say no, but there's other things that you're like, you know what, I can set a time. Like for me, then my easiest distraction is cleaning the house. I'm like, well, well, I can't do this right now. I have to do the dishes real quick. And it's like um when we just say yes to Jesus in those little moments, it's like those little moments become, you know, big, yeah. And it it's beautiful. And I think the beautiful thing about that is Jesus sees that. He sees us saying yes to him on little things and obeying him in the little moments. So then it's getting um preparing us for the big moments and the big yes. So you need, as uh women of Christ, we need to learn the tone of Jesus. Because when you don't and the voice of God, so we can hear him clearly and obey what he's saying. So being able to know the tone of Jesus is reading his word, right? Getting to know uh the character of Jesus, the traits of Jesus, of who he really is. There's a moment in the Bible Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman and he calls her a woman. For the longest time, I thought he was a jerk. I was like, how dare you call her woman? Like, because in my culture, that's kind of a little disrespectful. Like, hey, woman, make me a sandwich. Like, that's rude. And so, but when I um kept reading the Bible and kept having intimate time of prayer and worship of Jesus, I was like, oh no. And knowing the culture of, you know, the setting of what everything was all about, you just have a better understanding of who Jesus is and the tone of Jesus, that um he's a living father, and it's just a beautiful thing to understand that. So little things that I have done to help me throughout the day kind of hear God's voice because it's such a sometimes people are like, oh, Lord, the Lord just spoke to me. It's like, okay. When the Lord wasn't speaking to me, I was confused. Like, okay, how is the Lord, like, is it a thought? Is it like an audible voice? Like, how are you? And for me, there was a couple things that I did throughout the day to help me know which thought was Matea's thought and which thought was Jesus. So there is a thing I heard that every time you walk through a door, you thank God for something. And that helped always thinking about Jesus, always having Jesus on your mind. If you walk through, you know, a door at first, probably the first couple days, it's like, oh, you know, you're always like thinking like, no, no, no, no. And then it just becomes a habit of you're always thinking about Jesus, you're always thanking him for the little things. And there was another thing that um a girl I met at the mission school I went to, she would go to stores and just pray and ask God what she needed to get in the store. And I'm like, it's not really necessary. Like, why are you doing that? She's like, I'm doing it to train myself and help myself know God's voice. So if God's telling me, and it happened to her, God told her to get um a couple games and uh a gingerbread house because it was Christmas time. And she thought it was really weird. She didn't really know it was God at first, but she just did it. She was like, okay. She bought it, and she told us what she bought. She goes, I don't know why I bought it. Well, this was in 2021 when we still had a like quarantine and stuff. And we were quarantined in a hotel room for five days, and we were so abored because she's like, the Lord told me to buy games and Junior House. And I was like, Oh, okay. So it's just like silly things like that of um, like, was that necessary for her to go and buy a game? Oh, well, could we live without a game and you know, stuff to do? Yes, but that was I think the Lord just wants us to partner with him on the little things, but like, oh Lord, like that was you, and you don't realize it maybe until five days later when you're in 14 and you're like, oh my goodness, that was Jesus. So it's like the little things, but I do that sometimes just to have a good, do I need to ask Jesus like what to get from the store? No, is that necessary? No, but what is my heart and what's my mind, you know, what is my um intention behind it? It's I want to hear God's voice even in the silly things, like I want to make sure I know his voice so like even in the little things. So when it's a big thing, I hear Lord, the Lord's voice, right? Does that make sense? Okay, good. And um having it intimate, so this is something, you know, I'm I'm in ministry. I love serving people. I love it. I love people, I love serving people. Sometimes when you are just busy doing, doing, during, doing, serving, serving, serving, um, which is good, and God loves us, you know, going to church, serving, but what he loves even more is just you being still. Even today I was worshiping, and I am a worshiper. I love to move, like that's just who I am. I love to dance, I love to move. And so what's hard for me is when being still during my favorite songs. Like, that is hard. So there's moments that I actually have to listen to Jesus when he's like, hey, be still. And that is like kind of a sacrifice because I'm like, okay, this is my favorite. Like, I want to dance so hard to these lyrics, but I'm gonna stay still. Or sitting down, I hate sitting down during worship. But sometimes I hear the Lord saying, sit down. Like, I want you to just be still, I want you to pray. And in those moments that may look silly, like I have to be so intentional with and um sensitive to God's voice. Be like, okay, this might not make like someone may look at me and be like, How dare she sit during worship? But they don't know that actually don't want to sit, you know. Like, people may look and be like, what are they doing? But we need to focus more on what Jesus, you know, what he has told you, because it might not make sense to everyone, but you. So we have to just be very confident in that. And um, this is a funny, I don't have this in my notes, but this is a funny um story of I forgot who told me, but there was a they had like a conference or something, and a pastor was needed to, he was like talking to Jesus, like, okay, Jesus, what do you want me to do? And someone, I could I think I'm combining two stories, so sorry for this. But um, but there's another, no, there was a woman that felt like she had to pray for someone, and she was, I'm not going up there. I'll only go up there, Jesus, if someone cartwheels, and then I'll go and pray for that person or so or say the word for the room. And another guy was like, I felt like the Lord wants me to cartwheel right now, and I don't know why. So he did, and then she, you know, it was like, so something that may look so silly and not make sense, and he did it. What? Why? Because he felt like the Lord was telling him to do it, and something beautiful happened of that. So it's like learning how to just be obedient and so sensitive to the voice of God. Um, okay, so I wanted to read this of Romans 12. We're almost done, but I just want to read a couple verses and then I'll pray. But um, Romans 12, 1 through 2, it says, Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, pleasing, and perfect will. So he asks us to live for him. So we are to die to self and live for God every single day. And we are to give our entire beings and our heart and all love to Jesus, and our talents, our energies, and all our strength to serve him and obedient to Jesus. And then another verse it says, Isaiah 29, 13. The Lord says, These people come near me with their mouths, but honor me with their lips. Wait, sorry. These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules. They have been taught. So that's where I feel like I was stuck for the longest time. Of I could say, Oh, Jesus is, you know, He I love, even I love Jesus. And then my heart and my actions behind closed doors weren't showing any of that, right? So it was an inner issue of okay, is my mouth speaking what my heart is? Because if it's not now, it eventually will show later of what's really on the inside. So um I just want to encourage you with encourage you with this before I pray. I want to have some time just uh for us just to reflect on our life, uh, our relationship with Jesus, but encourage you to ask for more of um hunger, of a passion. Because when you're passionate about something, you never stop talking about it, right? When you have a good experience at a restaurant or something and it's good pizza, you want to tell everyone to go there because it was an amazing experience. And so that's how we should be with Jesus of oh my goodness. Like there this past year, I feel like the Lord has been so so sweet to me and teaching me um that there's some things that I have kind of put in their own box of like, oh like that is not for me. Like that's for that person, but that's not for me. I, you know, I'm either not, that's not my personality or uh that's not my gift. And the Lord really humbled me in this past year of being like, no, if you are mine, whatever's mine is yours. Like you have access to everything. Like it might look different to you, but you have access. Like you have access uh to have a prophetic dream. Like that's not just for certain people. So when I realized, like, oh, like I can just ask for things, and um, so I just want to encourage you to uh kind of step out of your comfort zone, and you know you're doing something right when you feel uncomfortable at first, you're like, I hate this. But um, even the past Sunday, I felt like the Lord was telling me to go and say hi to someone, and it was just like like awkward. I hate, well, I should stop saying hate. I do not like um forced conversation, so I'm like, oh, this is gonna be forced. But um, I just went. And what happened? The Lord gave me the words to say, like he was there. He didn't just say, okay, go and then I'm just gonna leave me there. He said, go and I am right there by you. So like you when we go and obey, the Lord doesn't just like you know, flick us out there. He is holding on, we're hand to hand, and he is helping and guiding us through it. So let's end with prayer. Do I have any words? No, okay. Um, yeah. I'm gonna actually let's do two minutes of you just praying and of us just reflecting. If you're like, I don't have anything to surrender, then I just want to encourage you to thank the Lord for what he has done in these two minutes of just giving him praise. Um and I know we don't like praying this, but for the Lord to stretch us because when we are stretched, we become stronger in our faith, and you know, we don't like to be stretched, but it's good for us. So, okay. Just two minutes of quiet, and then I'll pray and end. Um Lord, I just pray you give us strength to not only uh surrender things to you, Lord, but um that you give us strength to put you number one, Lord, that you give us strength to prioritize you. Lord, with life being so busy that can be so chaotic, I pray that um we just know that when we when we just pause and we just be still and um set a time, an intimate time of worship and prayer, that even if it's five minutes, that you see that little time that we have sacrificed, you see it and uh you yeah, Lord. So I just pray that Lord, you are such a good father, and you have never left us, even when we have left you and we prioritize things over you, you have never left us and you never will, Lord. I pray, um, Lord, when we open our hands to worship, are that is a sign of surrender. Of Lord, if everything I have is taken away, are you enough? Lord, I just pray that we reflect on that question. And if some of the women in this room um are saying, I don't know, Lord, I pray peace over them. Lord, I pray that uh that won't discourage them, but that will motivate them to go closer to you, motivate uh them to seek your face. Lord, you are so good, you are a good father, and we are so thankful to be even able to um communicate to you, to pray, to worship you. It's such a gift that we get to have. So I just pray over these women that they will um get uh a desperate desire to just um they'd be so desperate just to spend time with you, Lord. I just continue to pray that hunger um that you'll give them strength to pray over their loved ones, their families. Lord, I just pray that you see them and you love them. They are a daughter of yours. So I just thank you for all that you um have done and all that you're going to do. You're so good in Jesus' name.

unknown 37:25

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Thanks for coming. Anybody needs a one to me and perfect.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

If you want some drink, come here.